VoicePost 772K 3:57

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this is going to be my little 'catch up on everything' topic because i seem to have never updated even though i was home all summer long.

let's just start off with says YAY LIZ WILL BE BACK IN 9 DAYS!!! :D
i miss that bitch!

kay, sooooo... my summer fucking BLEW.
i did a lot of first things... ;]
HAHA JK about the wink ahaha
i did do a lot of first things and i had soo much fun the times i did do things! SO much! i just wish my whole summer was like that!
my firsts :
1. beer / bar lol [ also i now like Mike's Hard Lemonade. only 5% alcohol so i'm good ]
2. six flags / first roller coaster!
3. legit party
4. being in a live audience for a tv show [ It's On With Alexa Chung ]

i've been out only a little bit and i only was REALLY invited places was like 3 times. like when i went to see michelle&kevin sky dive with izzy. [ liz and i have concluded that we are going next year and izzy wants to go so hopefully we can all go :D ]
but other than that im never fucking out and i really hate it. like... no one talks to me. i shouldn't say NO ONE. NICCCCCCCCCK was my summer savor <3
i could be your fag hag ;D
hahha!
we were always the rejects. people would fucking ignore his texts and i would just never get invited anywhere by anyone so we'd hang out together hahahah! XD
we tanned a lot outside and i totally got nick into lily allen <3
we'd sit out and listen to music by my pool side and it was just great! i love just sitting around if i have company! im so simple... i love doing mellow things.
he is the only friend that actually acted like a friend.
meaning : he talked to me. he hung out with me.
my "friends" usually only have me out with them when there are big groups ... and i mean THE WHOLE group and they NEVER talk to me.

as you can tell from some of my posts i have become a very depressed little girl haha
my self-esteem is so low.
i already stated how i think im ugly, fat and boring
but see, thats what this summer has done to me!
i do nothing but sit at home and think.
and when i think, i think about negative things and it's terrible what i have done to myself.

wanna hear a confession?
i wanna get piss fucking drunk one day just to get rid of reality.
i would never. but i want to.

i hate hate hate this summer.

i got a job at the bakery by my house but my fucking phone broke so they cant contact me.
which reminds me, i need to ask nick for the number before its too late
too bad we are fucked with money; i really need a new phone.

i need friends, a phone, a car & a job.

"CLEAN YOUR ROOM!"
"YOU'RE SO FAT!"

the end.
all i've been hearing from the day school ended.

soooooo sinem went to nelly the other day and its just so weird!
she read on me & she told my sister that;
i'm already very independant, i'm very intelligent & i'm always thinking! i'm going to miss sinem when she's away, i REALLY want to get a job and start making money, i want to leave my house real bad too and i just want to get out! i'm going to college [ WOOOOH! CMON! PLEASE LA FILM! ] she says i'm alright but something is missing in my heart and i'm not happy

THAT'S SPOT FUCKING ON, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN????
i really want to go myself and see haha
soooooooo weird

located at: bedroom
music: Rock 'N' Roll All Night - Kiss

i REAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLY miss making videos
yesterday was AWESOME
liz came over and we made two videos! my brother did a "photoshoot" of us hahaha, i'll post pictures later!
then i got my hair cut and sinem did mine&liz's makeup!
we then did a video to Pokerface by Lady Gaga!
hhahaha both videos are sooo great and we had soo much fun making them
we need to make more before liz goes to turkey his summer


i love how we can go from white trash hill billys to sexay sexayy girls.
never knew how sexy i can be, eh?
hahahah



ps; happy mommys day :]

seriously? am i destined to never ever have a fucking life?
how fun would that have been to go to? fucking 4 hour drive [ location changed ]... i LOVE taking drives.
seriously, i think the most perfect thing would be to just go on a drive for ever
destination : anywhere
i LOVED when we drove down to virginia.
and c'mon... sinem and nicole?
PLUS, my VERY first show? fuck this man this is so fucking stupid. it could be so fucking fun. just because i have low grades? this is how you punish me? you want me to be locked in this house FOREVER? why does this have any thing to do with school work? its on a fucking saturday. lily allen was on a monday and my fucking grades are the sa--... NO THEY ARENT THE SAME ACTUALLY. IM DOING BETTER IN MATH AND IM DOING BETTER IN SOCIAL STUDIES. SO WHAT THE FUCK? BRITNEY SPEARS WAS ALSO ON A MONDAY AND THE TIME WHEN I BOUGHT THE TICKETS IS WHEN MY GRADES WERE HORRIFICALLY DISGUSTING. it was when i had Mrs. Camberdella&Mrs. Cambell... SO WHAT THE FUCK? I DONT UNDERSTAND.

honestly? im so fucking safe. i dont smoke. i dont drink. i dont disobey my parents [ i just dont do work for school or clean often. im a lazy person. ]. i dont ever hang out with guys. i stay home watching spongebob, smurfs, yogie bear, george lopez, fresh prince, ghost hunters and sexiest beaches. WHAT A FUCKIN LIFE! WHAT A FUCKIN LIFE I HAVE!
PLUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSS, it's OBVIOUS i can't get into a great school which means im not moving to NYC or LA. SO IM STUCK HERE DOING EXACTLY WHAT IM DOING NOW.
i dont have a life and its fucking annoying.
i want to live.
i want a life.
you know how boring this is? i want to fucking go so bad
you know how good it felt to fucking go see lily because i went from school straight to the city. my mom at first didnt want me to go because im still so little in her eyes and i cant believe that i almost didnt go. i went with liz too. we are completely clueless people and we survived. we found our way. let me leave

i fucking swear i hate this house
i want to leave so bad
i cant wait to get a car

i seriously feel like when i get a car, i know i dont have friends and i probably wont have any when i have a car, ill prob go out for 5 hour drives by myself just to fucking get away from this stupid boring life.
i want to have fun.
i want to get away from this shit hole.
i want to break rules.
i want to just go out!

this is fucking dumb i seriously hate being locked in this house.
im fucking 16 years old turning 17 this year. you know what kids my age do? they party every weekend, some girl takes classes in the city, some just go to the city to have fun, idk they are just always out with their friends having fun.
ME? ME? im the most fucking boring-est person alive!
i dont even know if i'm alive.

WUDDUP EVERYBODY? you're looking at your new host :]
kay... you guys are going to shit your pants because i know i am! get ready to see me on your computer screens a lot more often now, if you are an ashley tisdale fan [ or my fan :P LOL JK ]
i got offered by misstisdale.net [ ruben, the owner ] to host a news feed on Ashley Tisdale!!
i get to be on camera talking about new things that come out or what she's been up to and such! Ruben, also gets in contact with Ashley's manager a lot... so it's totally awesome&legit!
thennnn, he asked me where i live in the US and i told him in NY AND GETTTT THISSSSS! he messages me saying "that's great! are you able to go to events in NY where ashley is and interview her?"
SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAT????!??!?!? YEAH BITCH! I GET TO GO TO EVENTS IN FUCKING NEW YORK AND INTERVIEW MY FAVORITE FUCKING PERSON! plus, it's totally going to look good. he told me that if thetiz.tv becomes pretty big, we can get money for it and buy our own cameras and mics.
im so fucking excited you have no flipping idea!
i'll show you the exact messages!!!!! :]
i need to lose a lot of weight now and it's great motivation because now i have to look good on camera at all times. D:
i need a personal trainer, mannnnn ahhaa

( messages )

you're fucking a fire crotch...












SHE'S BURNIN` UP FOR YOU, BABAYY
hahahahahaha

mood: CHILL LIKE ICE LOL

LMAOOOO can we talk about how funny it is how whenever i blast my music they ALWAYS turn their music on later and BLAST it
ROFFL

i wanted to prove it and i just did
i mean, i'd catch it and wanted to know if they did it on purpose or not but lmao i finally proved it
i haven't blasted music in FOREVER [ upstairs... not downstairs ]
and today i put my Ashley Tisdale CD in and blasted it because i wanted to dance
i couldnt run downstairs because tolga came home
so i was going to dance
they came home when i was listening&dancing

and i stopped it and went to find Circus songs online to dance to [ which is how i found Lily Allen's cover ] and i can hear mexican music BLASTING upstairs
HAHAHHAHAHA
THEY DEFINATLY DO IT ON PURPOSE
TO GET BACK AT ME
im always singing REALLY loudly hahahahahhahahaha
I SHOULD START SINGING AND SEE WHAT THEY DO HAHAHAH
but tolga's home :/

&im so loving that sinem got it for me!!!

christopher nolan is awesome
i think him&tum burton are my total favs
i love the way christopher nolan does his movies! tge prestige was so good! i want to see his other movies

&i really wish heath didnt pass
i was just starting to love him after seeing brokeback [ i've seen the patriot& 10 things i hate about you
&fell in love with him but i was too little to know about celebs
&his name;same for jake except i knew his name&i followed his movies ]
i feel like those idiots who all of a sudden love heath&thats not how it is at all
i started noticing him after brokeback
i rly wish ge didnt pass
he's so beautiful&SUPER talented
i love his australian accent :P
it's so sad :[
&fuck the idiots who say he ODed on purpose
i was fighting with tolga's fat friend about that!
tolga&kyle said no one can OD by accident
so fucking stupid
kyle said he was a HUGE fan of dark knight
if he was he'd know heath's real story
people are so ignorant&rude
honestly, he has a child that he ABSOLUTLY loved&he was sick&was doing another movie that he couldnt even finish
you think he wants to die?
his daughter is a spitting image of him, it's so sweet!

i wish i would have gotten the 2 disc to see behind the scenes but whatever
ill get it myself one day
im just dieing to see behind the scenes though!

whatever
fucking love this movie